i want to give you the grace that led me
to this state of mind, it's beautiful
a beautiful tragedy -with broken wings


"well i didnt mean for this to go as far as it did,
&i didnt mean to get so close and share what we did,
&i didnt mean to fall in love, but i did,
&i know you didnt mean to love me back, but i know you did.
*we've got nothing left to prove*
&i didnt mean to meet you then, we were just kids,
&i didnt mean to give you chills, the way that i kiss
*and i didnt mean to fall in love... but i did*"
A lonely September~ by Plain White T's




Take me as i am,or not at all
i aint ever gonna change myself for no one
no compromise cause it's my life
it's all or nothing
-vanessa hudgens


Slip inside the back of your mind
dont you kow you might find
a better place to play? ~oasis



Love cures people, both the ones who give, and the ones who recieve



"You have been folllowed back to the same place i sat with you drink for drink, take the pain out of love, and then love wont exist..." -The Acadamy Is...



Fat, Ugly
people call me
loud faces, cry, gestures
unimportant, hurt, teary-eyed
mirror, cracked, fist, bloody
heart, filled, but not with love
with hate, towards those too shallow
to look at the person i really am
and that is simply
simply me     - Me



Some people come into our lives
and quickly go. Some stay for a
while, and leave footprints on our
hearts, and we are never the same.



I've heard it said
that people come into our lives for a reason
bringing something we must learn
and we are led to those
who help us most to grow
if we let them
and we help them in return
well i dont know if i believe that's true,
but i know i'm who i am today
because i knew you...



I know now the place i was trying to reach
was you right here in front of me
and i wouldnt change a thing
i'd walk right back through the rain
back to every broken heart
on the day that it was breaking.
And i'd relive all the years
and be thankful for the tears
i've cried with every stumble, step
that led to you and got me here.
-RF


and now we're left with the what ifs
she's an angel with a dirty face
and it seems to me
she's a casuality of all the pressure
that we put on her
and now we've lost her for good ~Hinder



She never walked on water
cause no one really saw her
She had a lot to prove and so many to please
she's just somebody's daughter
just looking for somebody to love her... ~Hinder



if you're not afraid to love
if you're not afraid to give
if you're not afraid of us
let me hear you say "i will"



i do my thing, and you do yours, i am not in this world to live up to your expectations, and you are not here to live up to mine, you are you, and i am i, and if by chance we find eachother, it's - B E A U T I F U L -




If there's love...
I just want to have somethin' to do w/ it
I just wanna feel yours
             ~Citizen Cope



Soooo, i'm doing some HARDCORE cleaning out of the away messages now... I HAVE A BOYFRIENDD!
Rob... and we started dating December 17th. He's great... and with something as beautiful and cheery as
he is, i dont need stuff this depressing in my away messages. soooo here they are <3 .

Maybe i should take your advice
and never look twice
i've had my share of stories
more grotesque than my insecurities
i've sold myself short,
learned to forget your name
so i wouldnt get hurt
but it costs more than it's worth...
collapse of confidence - Ambry


i see the angels,
i'll lead them to your door,
there's no escape now,
no mercy no more,
no remorse cause i still remember
the smile when you tore me apart,
Angels -Within Temptations


Situations running through my head
well looking back through time
you know it's clear that i've been blind
i've been a fool
to ever open up my heart
to all that jealousy, that bitterness, that ridicule
babylon -david gray


If you want it, come and get it
cryin out loud
the love that i was giving you
was never in doubt
let go your heart
let go your head
and feel it now
babylon -david gray



Run baby run
don't ever look back
run baby run
forever will be
you and me
i'll be waiting
wishing, wanting
yours for the taking
just sneak out
and dont tell a soul goodbye
check yes juliet -we the kings


Watching the days burning out like a cigarette
just a few drags to go
built me up and broke me down somehow
everything just seemed so clear to me
nothing left to know
i'll love you right
and i'll love you pure
right now
how can you say that it's too late
to save us now
And i would wait for you
if you would wait for me
and i will wait for you
if you will wait for me
cigarette -Yellow Card


~ Why can't i feel anything
from anyone - other than YOU ~
Cute without the 'e' - Taking Back Sunday


everyone gets in the way of everything
and i dont mind having someone around
if you listen and write then the lesson in life
isnt playing the role of the let down
and i know i'm casually learning to get down
and we're crazy concerned, attention deserved,
not playing the rold of the let down
DARE -The higher




but i must admit there was a couple secrets i held inside,
but just know that i tried to always apologize,
and i'ma have you first always in my heart.
Don't Matter -akon


Everything we had, Everything we had
is no longer there, longer there...
and i do regret more than i admit...
Everything we had - The Academy Is...



i give my hopes up and i watch them fall
everytime and all the colors turn to gray,
its so hard to watch it all fade away - HSM2


more later <3 .

 I can take care of myself, yeay, you taught me well
i learned from you that i do not crumble
i learned that strenth is something you choose
all of the reasons to keep on believin'
there's no question that's a lesson, that i learned from you
we dont always agree on what is the best way
to get to the place that we're going from here, but i can really trust you
i'm gratefull for all the times you opened my eyes
you taught me to stand on my own, and i thank you for that.
you saved me, you made me, now that i look back...
-"i learned from you" hannah montana


i dont need alot of things,
i can get by with nothing,
with all the blessings life can bring
i've always needed something
but i've got all i want
when it comes to loving you
you're my only reason
you're my only truth
i need you like water
like breath like rain
i can't turn back now
becuase you've brought me too far
i need you...
-"I need you" by Leanne Rimes


i had a very good weekend, the ex and i spent a decent amount of time togehter... he even drove to my hosue to say goodbye to me before he left to go back  to school, that never happens, oh well... you know the saying "dont keep your hopes up"... that i wont, but i sure will keep my head up, i've worked to hard to have this wall come crumbling down again... more next time...

When everything you'll get is,
everything that you've ever wanted
well which would you prefer:
My finger on the trigger, or
me face down, down across your floor?
And will you tell all your friends
you've got your gun to my head
this all was only wishful thinking
Lets go...
The only thing that i regret, is;
that i never let you hold Me  back...
Hoping for the best just hoping nothing happens
i will never ask if you dont ever tell me
i know you well enough to know you never loved me
i know you well enough to know... 
And all of this was your fault
and all of this makes things worse
i say wrecked and jealous for this,
for this simple reason
i just need to keep you in mind
as something larger than life...
~"Cute without the "e" " by Taking back sunday



Do you know what it feels like
loving someone that's in a rush to throw you away?
Love, you never know the minute it ends suddenly...
How can i love you?
Looking at the last three years like i did,
i could never see us ending like this... 
"do you know" by enrique...



All the jewels in heaven
They don't look the same to me
I just wade the tides that turned
'Til I learn to leave the past behind
It's only lies that I'm livin'
It's only tears that I'm cryin'
It's only you that I'm losin'
I guess I'm doing fine 
All the battlements are empty
And the moon is laying low
Yellow roses in the graveyard
I got no time to watch them grow
Now I bade a friend farewell
I can do whatever pleases me
It's only lies that I'm livin'
It's only tears that I'm cryin'
It's only you that I'm losin'
I guess I'm doing fine 
I press my face up to the window
To see how warm it is inside
I see the things that I've been missing
Missing all this time
It's only lies that I'm livin'
It's only tears that I'm cryin'
It's only you that I'm losin'
I guess I'm doin' fine
I guess I'm doin' fine
"doing fine" by Beck



I'm not holding my tongue for you anymore
i'll scream so loud, till i drown you out
now yo ucant hold me down anymore...
so many days of silence
too many destructive ways to vent
i hope they set something free
didnt know they were out to kill me
today i'll turn it all around
pick my self off the ground
sweat all the sickness out
force all the demons down
stand up and set it straight
get it right before it's too late
for now i'm feeling fine
left all the pain behind
it's time to live my life
i finally got it right
i can still taste the words on my tongue
saying we're okay
but when i raise my head up to see
the darker side, that isnt me
so now i raise my hands up so dired of giving in
throw his all aways and start again... 
"drown you out" by Crossfade



my empty promises, led to our demise,
& i can never tell how i really feel,
& for that i eternally appologise,
we were both selfish, but i think i was more,
i would like to thank you for showing me,
a part of myself that i had never seen,
yeah we were young & dumb, but it still was fun,
& i guess these things just tend to fall apart,
& i hope you feel the same,
my empty promises, brought us to an end,
i just hurt you & now i have no logic to defend,
i would like to thank you for showing me,
a part of myself that i had never seen,
yeah we were young & dumb but it still was fun,
& i guess these things just tend to fall apart,
i would like to thank you for showing me,
a part of the world that i have never seen,
yeah i was young & dumb but it still was fun,
i am forever endebted to you,
& i hope you feel the same,
you are such a big part of my life & my heart...
"3685" by The Spill Canvas



Step up to me...
you wanna be a big time player
it's not to be
look at all the snide ass
actin like a wise ass
i'll fuck up your face
and you'll never look back...
so when you fall to the ground
and finally get back to reality
and no one at all is around
tell me how does it feel to be the enemy?
Look at your face, look at your name
it's funny, you're a loser with only yourself to blame
cut your fucking hair now
scared of all the stare downs
you wanna be like me cause it's real
never gonna be - never gonna see
you can always dream waht cha coulda been
clean up my shit, you look like a dick
step to unemployment - step
step up to me - you're the enemy
~"enemy" by Sevendust



           look into my eyes - you will see
                   what you mean to me
        search your heart - search your soul
& when you find me there, you'll search no more
         dont tell me, it's not worth tryin' for
             Take me as i am - take my life
         i would give it all, i would sacrifice
    i can't help it, there's nothing i want more
            everything i do - i do it for you
"everything i do" by Bryan Adams



there's so much i want to say now,
but it's too late i know,
there's no way to heal these wounds now,
& my heart bleeds for you,
& our love is crashing like a tidal wave coming over me,
so i wanted you to know that i finally let you go,
after all that i've held on to,
this is my goodbye to you,
i was always there for you,
but you never saw the truth,
& the reason that i know,
is i've finally let you go,
yesterday you were my best friend,
but tomorrow took you away,
goodbye, farewell, & every time i close my eyes,
my heart is bleeding deep inside,
but now my eyes are open,
& i'm never gonna be the one for you...
~"goodbye to you" by Breaking Point



it's so hard to say but i gotta do whats best for me.
youll be okay ive got to move on and be who i am
i just dont belong here, i hope you understand
we might find a place in this world someday
but at least for now i gotta go my own way
dont want to leave it all behind,
but i give my hopes up and i watch them fall 
- everytime -
and all the colors turn to gray,
its so hard to watch it all fade away...
you know i never wanted to hurt you
 - High School Musical 2



hoping for a new beginning, to take me away from my surroundings, so i can finally say goodbye, 
wondering what'll become of us, when we are all old and gray, 
and this time that we've spent together, was well worth our wait, 
think of the fun that we had, not caring until the next morning, 
it feels so good to go through life, with your eyes half open, 
we are all one in the same, we are lovers, and brothers and sisters, and we're most of our friends, 
these years have passed us by so fast 
        it seems like we never got the chance to realize how good life really was and let the moment last 
and it feels like it was only yesterday when we walked into this place and i said i can't wait till i get out of here, 
and now as we walk down this aisle with four years all rolled up in a scroll
you can't help but think, hey where did the time go?
we are all one in the same, we are lovers and brothers and sisters and we're most of our friends,
hold on to your memories hold on to those little things and i hope you receive as much as you get 
                                     cause when you die they're the only things that you can take to your grave,
these are the days of your life, & dont let them pass you by
                                   cause you never know when you might take your last breath, and so take a deep one tonight... 
good friends we had along the way and good friends that didnt make it to where we stand today...
and as we appraoch our final day, where we all will go our separate ways, 
so go hug and kiss your friends and say goodbye to them...
"the graduation song" by the Dave Matthews Band



i think i can end it here... off to class... then work... then more class... ughhh

Superstitions arent meant for lovers
Under covers, undiscovered is your skin
i am lonely, please let me in
you're probably wondering
what was i proving... are you choosing?
am i losing you tonight?
is it over, over? Are we fading?
i never wanted anything
the way that i want you
but my words dont seem to matter
and you look at me and i can see
the lies you're running to
but my words dont seem to matter
i'd rather have you tested and true
It's my day to show you what you're missing,
turn around,  and feel the winds of change
upon your face again,
the warm breath of your closest friends
i'm waiting, i'm waiting... are we fading?
i'm scared we fell apart
i'm scared we'll never make it right
take my hand and hold it tight, hold it tight
"Tested and True" ~Secondhand Serenade 


back in school they never taught us what we needed to know,
like how to deal with despair,
or someone breaking your heart.
for months i've held it together,
but a night like this is begging to pull me apart.
I remember i kept thinking that i know you never would,
and now i know i want to kill you like only a best friend could.
Everyone's caught on to everything you do.
As if this happening wasnt enough,
i got to go and write just to remind myself how bad it sucked.
Ignore the sun covers over my head.
So dont apologize.
i hope you choke and die.
They say you need to pray if you want to go to heaven,
but they dont tell you what to say when your whole life has gone to hell.
I cant let you let me down again.
So, is that what you call a getaway?
Tell me what you got away with,
cause i've seen more spine in jellyfish,
i've seen more guts in 11 year old kids...
"Seventy Times 7" - Brand New.


Have i ruined all that you've given me?
I know i've been Selfish
I know i've been Foolish
but look through that, and you will see,
I'll do better, i know...
Baby, i can do better...
And dont you know my heart is open
it's putting up the fight
and i've got this feeling
that everything is alright
and dont you see
i'm not the only one for you...
but you're the only one for me...
"Stay Close, Don't Go" - Secondhand Serenade


Rollin' down the highway
Like a rocket
God, I'm headed to town now
You can't stop it
Got wheel in my hand
As I stand
On the floor
Of the board
Of this car
On the road
Got this woman in the back seat
Yeah she's my wifey
In the middle of the delivery
Man she saves me
To this day I don't know why
She picked me up
When i was down on the road
With the wind when it blowed

Well a son's gonna rise in a mile
In a mile
You'll be feeling fine
In a mile you will see
After me
You'll be out of the dark, yeah
You'll get your shot
"Son's Gonna Rise" ~ Citizen Cope


I'm rackin my brain trying to comprehend
how, for some unknown reason
our status will remain as friends
i'm destroying my mind
trying to understand how with little to no effort
you've got me eating out of the palms of your hands
there was not a single spark
when my lips landed on yours in the dark
but regardless of what happens next
you're my beloved, you just dont know it yet
tonight i made a secret oath
to keep chasing after you
and i am not going to stop
whether you like it or not
we're murdering our lives
trying to make it work
but you and i both know that we are a lost cause
and nothing more than specks on this earth
yeah i know you listen to this all alone up in your room
i know you love how all this music's about you
"The Secret Oath" ~The Spill Canvas



i put my heart in your hands,
i wanna hold you now,
everything i held so dear,
disappeared w/out a trace,
oh all the times i've tasted love,
i never knew quite what i had,
Darling if you hear me now,
never needed you so bad,
trying to get some explanation here,
for the way some people are,
how did it ever come so far?
Sail away with me,
what will be, will be...
"Sail Away" ~David Gray



Look at me,
my depth perception must be off again
cause this hurts deeper than i thought it did.
it has not healded with time,
it just shot down my spine,
would you find it in your heart,
to make this go away,
and let me rest in pieces?
You got closer than i thought you did
"Rest In Pieces" ~ Saliva



It's been 7 hours & 15 days
Since u took ur love away.
I go out every night
& sleep all day.
Since u took ur love away.
Since u been gone I can do whatever I want
I can see whomever I choose.
I can eat my dinner in a fancy restaurant,
But nothing can take away these blues
`Cause nothing compares
Nothing compares 2 u
It's been so lonely w/out u here
Like a bird without a song
Nothin can stop these lonely tears from falling
Tell me baby where did I go wrong?
I could put my arms around every boy I see
But they'd only remind me of you
I went to the doctor
Guess what he told me
He said girl u better try to have fun
No matter what u do
But he's a fool
`Cause nothing compares
Nothing compares 2 u
I know that living with u
Baby was sometimes hard
But I'm willing to give it another try
"Nothing compares 2 u"-Sinead O'Connor


i remember when you came with me that night,
we said forever,
that you would never let me go,
but here i am again,
with nothing left inside,
know i dont wanna,
but i gotta let you go,
See now i know your kind,
you fake it easy,
just to please me,
Good bye,
i gotta let you go,
it's you, there's nothing i can do
"Let U Go" ~Ashley Parker Angel


There's a lot there... but hey it's helping me clean out my away messages... lol
more tomorrow... meeting up with a boy later... shouldl be fun... there's some potential there, so i'm told...

 being the first entry and all, i figured i'd just explain why i got one in the first place....
i recently got dropped by a lot of my friends for being extremely verbal about my feelings towards my ex...
he and i dated for two years, and things were perfect...
so i thought, so everyone thought, parents included...
then all of a sudden, college came along, and it rearranged his entire way of thinking...
and the day before our two year, he broke my heart, and has somehow gone from being my hero, my true love and my best friend;
to being the biggest asshole i have ever met, and even worse, my enemy...
when he broke up with me he told me that he felt that things about me needed to change, so me, watned to get him back, spent thousands of dollars seeing a shrink to try and "fix" things for him.

music, being my life, helped me get through a lot of it.
i am one of those people who set my away messages to be lyrics from songs, and our mutual friends found one of my "lyrics" of the day to be a little harsh, and decided to tell him, in turn he calls me a "psycho bitch" because i "can't get over things and move one with my life" and tells all of his friends who then in turn decide that i am no longer wanted around... although, thank goodness, little by little, they have realized that i am in fact NOT a psycho bitch, and that HE is the one who can't get over things and just move on... 

however, over the past 4 months since he broke up with me, there have been MANY MANY MANY songs that have gotten me through some very harsh fights, some very hard days, and even harder nights... the shrink i went to see suggested that i keep a journal, i get my feelings out... to clear my head in a sense... i am basically going to be sharing these lyrics along with my thoughts and meanings behind WHY they mean so much to me... not so much in a diary sense, but more of a journal, a notebook i keep to reminisce on when things were hard, that way i can appreciate what i have.

i hope you all enjoy...

p.s. there are some VERY good bands that i will be sharing, so i suggest you listen to them if you havent before...
p.p.s. not all that i write here will be lyrics, some are quotes, some are just thoughts, and there is a large chance that i will be sharing my activities of the day as well. =D